How to Begin Your Wedding Night (Virgin Edition)

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Your Wedding Day/Night

The stress of your wedding is coming to a close after a long day of celebrating your marriage. Meanwhile, the stress of your wedding night has been ongoing for weeks, months, even years, regardless of how long you have known your new spouse. Your first night alone as a married couple is quickly approaching, as you have just left in the getaway car. You are driving and getting closer to your hotel room or home. Your hands are sweating slightly and your nerves aren’t calming down at all. The moment you’ve thought about or even dreamt about is here. You are about to have, dare I say it…..SEX! (or sex, if you are more shy about talking about it).

Here are some ideas that may help calm yourself for the big night.

Say a Prayer Together

Once you reach the location of your first night as a married couple, take the time to be grateful. Depending or your belief system, say a prayer to God, Buddha, the universe, etc together as a couple. This could memorable since it’s the first time you get to pray together to begin your family. Express gratitude that you found each other and fell in love. Be grateful for the people who came to share the celebration with you that day. Ask to help make your wedding night comfortable with each other and that you may set up a pattern of care and love that will last your whole marriage. Add anything else to your prayer since it’s personal.

Take a Bath/Shower Together

This is one of the best pieces of advice I share with all newlywed couples who haven’t had sex before. There are a few reason for this.

    1. You have experienced one of the busiest days of your life. You probably are sweaty and slightly stinky. A shower will be refreshing
    1. Your whole life, the most time and place you have been naked is taking a bath/shower. Taking a bath/shower together will help lower your nerves about being naked together since it’s in a common and familiar place.
  1. This time together in the shower will help change the mood for you and your spouse to focusing on each other and take your mind off of the day you just spent with all your friends and family.


You could take showers separate so the bride has a chance to put on some wedding lingerie to set the tone for the evening. The groom can take this time to create the mood of the room (keep reading below) This will also build more anticipation and give you both some alone time to breath and relax after such a busy day!

Explore your Wedding (Sex) Basket Together

If you are lucky enough to have friends and/or family who have put together a sex basket for you, take the time to see what was put together for you. If you aren’t sure if your close social circle has plans to arrange a wedding basket for you, you can send them this link on How to make a wedding (erm, cough, sex) basket for newly married couples. Who knows what you will find in there that will make your wedding night even more special.

Create the Mood

Putting some forethought into creating a romantic mood for your wedding night can make this experience you’ve been looking forward to even more memorable for you and your partner. Turn on some soft music, dim the lights, light a couple candles, and/or make the atmosphere romantically inviting. Even better, have a person with the highest of trust prepare the room before you arrive. Share this article with that VIP person How to Create the Perfect Sexy Atmosphere for the newlyweds.

Don’t Feel Pressured

Take your time exploring each other. There is no reason to rush unless you are super anxious to get it over and done with. Remember to keep the perspective that you have a lifetime together to practice and fine-tune your intimacy. Be okay with the idea that you may not have sex on your wedding night. Even more important, be okay that your spouse may not want to have sex that night. There are many reasons why you may not want to have sex, like being tired from the day or even overwhelmed by the experience itself.

Expect it to be awkward

Our bodies are built to have sex. That doesn’t mean that we have built-in instructions on what to do during sex. There is little to prepare you for your experience. You will learn over time, through muscle memory. It is okay to laugh with each other. It won’t always be awkward. As we have heard many times throughout our lives, practice makes perfect. Also be aware that orgasm may or may not happen. Refer to this article on How to achieve orgasm through different approaches.

Prepare yourself with a few products

Make sure you have the following products for your wedding night.

    1. Lubricant – A lot of friction can be unpleasant for both husband and wife if there isn’t enough moisture in the area. The lubricant will help things glide better. If you are lost in the world of lubricants, review over our articles titled Why you should use a Lubricant and Choosing a Lubricant.
    1. A towel/Sex Sheet – I’m sure many will argue me on how unromantic this is. But a woman shared with me the experience she had on her wedding night, which didn’t end ideally. She bled a bit, which is common for virgin women. It dirtied up their brand new bedsheets. After they finished having sex, she and her husband had to get out of bed, clean the sheets, take a shower, and cuddle on the floor on a blanket (hoping not to get it dirty). It took so long that they were only able to sleep for less than 2 hours before they needed to get to the airport to travel to their honeymoon. You may tell me it’s unromantic, but a towel is much easier to clean than sheets. It will serve as a barrier if you do happen to bleed and it will help with the mess after sex.
    1. Disposable Wipes – Wipes are great to help clean up after sex so you don’t have to feel like you need to run to the bathroom or take a shower right away. Another reason is for sanitary purposes. I had another woman tell me that she had several problems with urinary tract infections when she was sexually active. One doctor suggested she wipe herself and her partner before and after having sex (I would recommend you speaking with your physician beforehand to get their opinion). In her experience, she saw a decrease in her urinary tract infections.
  1. Sex Toy – Some couples have made the decision to use a sex toy together. Some couples are still making the decision. Why a Sex Toy is an article that can help you decide if a sex toy would enrich your sex life together with your partner. If you feel lost looking for a toy, refer to our Picking a Vibrator (the tamer version).

I hope as you read through this list, that these suggestions are useful. Please leave a comment if this article was helpful for your wedding night. Also, what was the best or worst advice you were given for your wedding night?