Maybe your lady has given you oral sex and you want to return the favor. Maybe you’ve always been curious about giving oral, but didn’t know how to start. Or maybe you’ve tried it, but you want to know how to do it better. Because, let’s face it; while receiving oral might feel amazing for you, giving her oral is a bit more complicated. It can also be very difficult for her to feel comfortable enough to orgasm. While some of that may have less to do with your technique and more to do with her getting in her own head, here are some tips that should help her feel more relaxed and help you feel like one sexy beast.
Communicate and Be Patient
No amount of research will be as helpful to pleasing your woman as well as your woman. Communicate before, during and after–vocally and through body language.
Listen to her
Listen to her moans (or lack of) and the way she may push you away, pull you closer, or hold you right where you are. You may establish a system of simple vocal cues, like “Keep doing that” or “Like that, but gentler.” Something to keep in mind is that it is very likely that she knows her body a lot less than you know yours. You may want to encourage her to feel around a little herself to get a sense of what she likes (perhaps she’ll let you watch, if that’s what you like).
Most likely she will have difficulty expressing what she likes, which is where listening to her moans and body language will be most helpful. One thing that cannot be emphasized enough is to not switch things up right as she’s found something she likes! It’s incredibly frustrating and can be hard to find again, especially as it can be hard to vocalize exactly what was so great about it. As a general rule, if she likes it, keep going until she says you can stop.
It can take women 20 minutes or so to orgasm from oral, so be patient. Let her know you’re in no rush. Take your time with much-needed foreplay including making out and full-body massaging. When ready, make sure you’re both in a comfortable position. Take your time exploring the labia (the inner and outer folds of the vulva) and clitoris (located above the vaginal opening and urethra). Keep it gentle, and listen constantly. In the end, if she doesn’t orgasm, don’t be hurt. It can be incredibly difficult for her to orgasm if she’s feeling overly pressured to “perform” so let her know that you’re just happy making her feel good.
Find the Right Position
You have a few options for positions, so don’t feel you have to stick with one.
On her back
Perhaps the most common position would be for her to be on her back, with a pillow under her butt for better leverage and comfort, and her knees wide. You can then kneel on the bed, perhaps with a pillow under your knees for added comfort.
The Edge of the Bed
You can kneel next to the bed on a pillow for comfort, while she’s on the edge of the bed, still with her legs wide.
Straddling your Face
This is arguably the more comfortable position for you, the male. This will allow her to do some of the work to help her achieve orgasm.
Now that you’re both comfortable and ready for a long sexy session, let’s move onto the how.
It’s usually best if she’s just showered (you can even start some foreplay in the shower). It will make her feel 1000 times more confident. It’s also recommended that you brush your teeth not only afterwards, but before. Have you ever heard of checking your breath by licking your hand and sniffing it? Yeah… you’ll want to be minty fresh. Using minty toothpaste may also add a cool breeze to the experience for her. On that same note, don’t be offended if she doesn’t want to kiss you on the lips directly afterwards.
This can be a super sexy way to see her enjoying herself and also an easy way to get a confirming nod if you’re on the right track.
Keep the Teeth Away
If she’s ever given you oral, you probably are familiar with how uncomfortable it is if her teeth start accidentally scraping against you. The same concept applies to her. As sexy as it may seem to give her a nibble, she is very sensitive, and it will hurt more than anything. Remember that the appeal of oral for her is gentleness. Focus on using your tongue; your teeth should have nothing to do with it.
As mentioned before, this will likely take a while, so don’t tire yourself out too quickly. Take your time with the foreplay. Set the mood by turning out the lights to make her feel more relaxed. Consider a fan in the room pointed toward her for a sexy breeze. Kiss her all over. Play with her nipples, kiss her breasts, her stomach, and then kiss and lick her thighs. Don’t be afraid to tease her a bit and leave her in suspense. Slowly move toward the clitoris, softly breathe on it, then lick it gently, keeping your tongue relaxed. Relaxing your tongue will not only make it so you don’t tire as easily, but it’s also likely more of what she would prefer. You can take breaks by moving your whole head instead of your tongue or allow her to move her hips while you have the flat of your tongue on her clitoris. You can also revisit her breasts at any time, giving yourself a break and adding stimulation for her. Slowly gain intensity and speed with your licks, perhaps while squeezing her breasts, if she likes.
Give the Labia Some Love
While the clitoris is generally the pleasure-center for a woman, it is important to stimulate her elsewhere throughout the experience. One such area that deserves some love is the labia (the inner and outer folds of the vulva). This area is very sensitive and in addition, to her nipples, is a great place to visit. Especially after her first orgasm to allow her clitoris time to “recharge.”
As always, it depends on the woman, but your partner might appreciate the more intense sucking of the clitoris instead of just licking it. If you decide to try it, work your way up to it for the best sensation for her. Again, don’t be offended if she doesn’t prefer it.
Use Your Hands
Using your hands is a great way to give your mouth a break while creating more sensations for her. You can use your hands to massage her clitoris or labia, or insert it into her vagina. While some women love this, keep in mind that because your hands are far less subtle than the feeling of your tongue, she might find it distracting. LIsten to her to see what she enjoys.
It can be surprisingly exciting to hear how excited she is, but in your excitement, remember not to be too rough. When it comes to speed, it is better to start slow and work your way up to a greater speed and intensity, continually listening for what she likes. While your lady might love the feeling of a tensed tip, most women prefer a relaxed, flattened tongue, gently licking between the inner lips of the labia and around the clitoris.
Listen and Communicate
There are many different methods and techniques that your lady might enjoy, the key is to listen to how she is responding. You might try a side-to-side tongue motion in the clitoral hood, or an up-and-down movement. She might favor more stimulus in the labia than the clitoral hood. Whatever you do, pay attention to her breathing and the movement of her hips. She can also clue you in with her hands. If she pulls your head closer, it probably means she wants you to go deeper, if she’s pushing your head away, you’re probably being too rough. If she holds you where you are, you’re likely doing something right.
In order for a woman to orgasm, she needs consistent rhythm for an extended period of time, so you may be surprised to find that simple, but consistent movements work the best. If you can tell she likes something, keep going; even past the point of orgasm, because if you stop right at orgasm, you may leave her disappointed. Don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes and let her know that you won’t be offended by her suggestions. You can always try something new and pause to ask her what she thinks. If she wants to avoid the chit-chat, that’s a good sign you are doing things the right way.
Add Some Flavor
An easy way to make oral more fun for you is to add a little flavor. Consider using some flavor for the foreplay as well. A little whipped cream or something else delicious on her nipples may be just the thing to get you both going. There are also many flavored creams, oils and lubricants made specifically for oral. They can be surprisingly delicious, and will probably end up making her feel a lot less self-conscious.
Consider Oral Sex just as Foreplay
It is difficult for some women to have orgasms in general, sometimes especially from oral, so consider using it as sexy foreplay for more tried and true methods. It’s important not to get frustrated.
There are many toys for her which mimic the sensation of oral and can be used during oral to give yourself a break while adding stimulation for her. You can use a small vibrator and put the vibrator on her clitoris, while you focus on licking her labia.
The most important thing is that you’re both having fun. She’ll be able to tell if you’re doing it begrudgingly which can be seen as a turnoff. So take the plunge and see what orgasmic adventures lay ahead.
If you are looking to explore as a couple check out this other article!